


When You Love Someone

by taegiradar



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Canon Compliant, Feelings, Friends to It’s Complicated, Insecurity, M/M, Not Beta Read, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:28:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25386085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taegiradar/pseuds/taegiradar
Summary: “I’ve been spending a lot of time with you recently. I feel...I feel like I’m at home.”In which life doesn’t always make love easy.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 6
Kudos: 103





	When You Love Someone

"Chan have you ever been in love?" He reads a comment and laughs.

"Guys I can't even fall asleep!" he jokes, knowing stays will laugh along with him, distracted enough to not realise that he didn't really answer the question.

And later on, as he leaves the room and heads back to the dorm, the question rings in his ear, like an alarm that can't be silenced.

Because Chan thinks he's definitely in love.

When Chan thinks about love, he thinks about his home. He thinks about bbq nights with his parents , he thinks of family days at the beach and the smell of fresh air and the clear sea. But also, he thinks about Felix. His freckles and constellations. His bright smile and sparkling eyes. The way he makes Chan feel the most comfortable, no matter the situation. He thinks about all the times Felix has been there for him, been his lighthouse in the stormiest nights, when Chan feels lost at sea. He thinks about the way Felix can make his day better just by being present.

So yeah. Chan has definitely been in love before.

As he finally enters their dorm, it's almost midnight and most of the members are fast asleep. He should be too, but as he gets ready for bed, he knows in his bones that it's gonna be one of _those_ nights - nights where his mind won't shut up and the world feels a bit more lonely than it usually is.

He figures he might as well get some work done. If he’s not gonna sleep, being productive is the next best step. He’s about to switch on his laptop, mind already thinking of which project he should work on, when a soft knock on his door distracts him.

“Come in.” He calls out, wondering who could possibly want something at this time.

And as fate has it, a tired freckled boy walks in shyly, sitting at the edge of Chan’s bed. He looks up at Chan, a sigh leaving his lips as he notices the laptop open. He swears one day he will lock it away from Chan for a week, just so the older will actually stop to rest.

“Don’t give me that look. You know my habits by now, Lixie.” Chan’s speaking softly, not wanting to disturb the quiet atmosphere surrounding them.

Felix chuckles under his breath. “Doesn’t mean I can’t keep scolding you for it, though.” He says lightly, because he knows why Chan does this. Knows that music is his entire life and soul, and sometimes it’s hard to know when to stop when it’s also your job.

“I’ll sleep when I get sleepy.” Chan reasons. He doubts that would be anytime soon, but he says it anyway.

Felix walks up to Chan’s desk, grabbing a spare chair and sitting down right next to him.

Chan stares at him, admiring the absolute beauty that is in front of him, even though he’s seen it a million times by now. (He would want to see it for a billion times more, if he could.) If anyone looked at him now, they would notice the look of absolute fondness on his face, the way he looks at Felix like he’s home, like he’s the reason.

“Why are _you_ up, huh?” Chan asks, as he opens up an old project and tinkers with a few things.

Chan feels Felix rest his head on Chan’s shoulder, bringing warmth that Chan never wants to let go of.

“No reason.” He mumbles. Chan can tell Felix is sleepy, with the way his breathing is slow and deep, and the way he occasionally shakes his head to keep his eyes open.

“Lixie, you’re clearly tired. Go to sleep, please?” Chan knows the little one is stubborn at times, especially when it comes to putting himself before others. It’s something Chan has been telling Felix for years now, but he still hasn’t fully succeeded yet. He will keep trying his best until he does, though.

“I wa-wanna keep hyung company.” Felix’s words are barely audible, but with how close they are, it’s still hard to miss.

“You can keep me company tomorrow when you’re awake and fully rested.” Chan hesitates for a bit, but runs his hand through Felix’s hair, massaging it slowly.

“And you can learn just to accept the love and care you receive, instead of constantly thinking nobody wants to make sacrifices for you too.” Felix eloquently says, despite being half asleep.

Touché, he guesses.

Chan chuckles, knowing he can’t escape this. He has tried many times before, but nothing he says can ever change the absolute need in Felix’s heart to care for the people around him.

“Fine. Sleep on my shoulder then.” Chan puts in his headphones, and works on the track, as Felix continues to lean against his shoulder, watching him with admiration in his eyes.

Half an hour passes, and Felix is now resting on his hand, just staring at Chan as he brainstorms lyrics. Felix does this relatively often, just staring at Chan, not saying a thing and letting him work. Chan would sometimes let Felix listen to a part of a track, or ask for his opinions on a particular lyric, because Felix is always just…there.

So yeah. Felix staring at him is more or less a norm now.

“Channie?” Felix says softly, tapping gently on Chan’s arm, like he’s an artefact made of glass.

Chan hums, telling him that he’s listening. Maybe Felix wanted to listen to the track. He’ll let him.

What Chan doesn’t expect, though - is a hand, warm and comforting, cupping his cheek and rubbing small circles on it. He looks over at Felix, and like every time he looks at the younger, his breath is taken away. Felix is beautiful like this. Sleepy, barefaced and a small smile on his lips. Illuminated only by the soft light on Chan’s desk.

In the younger’s head, the same thoughts cross his mind, but about Chan instead.

“You’re amazing, you know that right?” Felix doesn’t know why he feels the sudden urge to tell him this, but his heart feels like it’s bursting with so much love that he can’t contain it anymore.

Chan blushes, getting extremely flustered at his words. It’s funny, because the same words are said to him almost everyday, by fans, by his friends and even the members once in a while. But like always, when it comes from Felix, Chan can’t help but feel a bit more special.

Before Chan can even reply, Felix continues.

“You are so talented, so hardworking, so selfless and so thoughtful. You make everyone feel like they’re at home, especially me. You make me feel like I’m back in Australia, surrounded by my family, with no worries in the world.” Chan shivers at how his words reflect the thoughts he had just hours ago. “You told me I’m your home, but you’re mine too.”

Chan’s heart is racing. Sometimes when Felix gets sentimental, it’s hard to keep the love he has at bay. Felix makes it almost impossible to not fall in love all over again, to feel healed, no matter how broken you are. He longs for it, he longs for more - but it’s not always the best idea to listen to your heart.

“Channie.”

Chan hums again, not trusting his voice.

“You know I love you, right? You mean the world to me.” Felix says it easily, like it doesn’t make Chan’s heart skip and his brain a mess.

Chan’s not that dense. He knows Felix loves him too. He knows that Felix looks at him the same way he looks at Felix. He’ll be dumb to not notice. But it’s not something they can just…do. It’s not something Chan thinks is worth risking everything for. Because it’s not just them - it’s the group, their families, the company.

“I know Lixie. And I love you too, so much. But-”

“We can’t do anything about it.” Felix breathes out harshly. “I knew you would say that.”

Chan can see the light in Felix’s eyes dim a little. He can see him deflate, even though he tries not to show it. But Chan knows Felix way too well for these things to slip past.

“I’m sorry, Felix. You understand why, right?” Chan tries to reach for Felix’s hand, but the younger moves it away. Chan pretends it doesn’t feel like a hammer is smashed into his heart.

“Yeah. I do.” A small switch flips in Felix, and his eyes grow softer again. “I-I know, hyung. I’m sorry. It just sucks. Still hurts a lot.”

Chan wishes right then, more than ever before, that he could just kiss Felix, and throw away all the fear deep inside both of them. He wishes, with his whole heart, that he could just freely love Felix, that he could just not care about everyone else. For once, he wanted to be selfish.

But he knows he can’t.

“We’ll be okay. Lixie, listen to me, ya?” Chan grabs the smaller hands and just like that, his heart is healed. “It’s gonna be okay. Just knowing is enough, right? At least for now. We love each other. We will continue to love each other. It hurts, but it doesn’t change the fact that we have that love. At least for me, the love I have for you will forever stay in my heart, it will always be present, and growing everyday. No matter what.”

Felix has tears in his eyes, but blinks them away.

“Same here, hyung. Forever.” Felix squeezes his hands, a seal to a promise.

The next morning, when the members find them fast asleep on Chan’s bed, tightly holding each other, they don’t say anything.

And as Chan wakes up with Felix in his arms, he decides that one day, he’ll be brave enough to risk it all.

The lyrics he wrote last night reappear in his mind, and he smiles.

\- Even if I have to give it all.

\- I’ll give it all to you.

**Author's Note:**

> inspiration from day6’s song ‘When You Love Someone’!
> 
> it’s 3am and i wrote this in 2 hours and i should be sleeping but im feeling Feelings so here’s another sad fic. (im so sorry)
> 
> chat with me on twitter! @eternitytrack


End file.
